


claude is super mega ultra kind of really fucking gay

by Blazing_Awakening2411



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Fódlan Setting (Fire Emblem), And Also Breaks The Internet, Claude Spawns An Internet Meme, I wrote crack because school is boring, M/M, definitely not crack, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:40:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28715892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blazing_Awakening2411/pseuds/Blazing_Awakening2411
Summary: claude put his finger to his chin, much like the owners of the businesses downtown often did."ok, so first i'm going to get byleth and sothis and abuse the hell out of an abuseable game mechanic. and then i will bring that hentai-addicted narcissistic horny lolicon pervert redhead over here and i will finally proceed to murder the shit out of him."he nodded once."yeah. that sounds like a good plan."
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Claude von Riegan
Kudos: 13





	claude is super mega ultra kind of really fucking gay

the most recent post on _fearthedeer's_ feed consisted of a picture him doing a sexy pose on the bed in his noticeably tiny studio apartment with nothing on except for his tightest underwear, along with the message 'ladies and gentlemen, fodlan's resident chick magnet aka claude the sex gawd' and a noticeable string of eggplant emojis.

(he was known for that kind of thing. along with having somewhat of a harem back in high school. all the boys hated him for it.)

what he didn't notice was that in the background a really hunky half-naked dimitri who automatically got tagged as _theblueboar_ with ripped jeans and that badass eyepatch as well as a coffee mug and a questioning look on his face took up the top left corner of the picture.

earlier that morning was when the storm started.

the first one, from a very familiar user _sylvaineon_ ( _seriously, pokemon?_ claude thought):

_haha chick magnet more like dick magnet because that shit is super mega ultra kind of really fucking gay_

claude deflected that comment with a 

_at least my relationship has more curves than your sexuality_

and then a comment from a user named _thesilver-hairedghostbuster_

_claude you never told me you were gay haha_

_ok lyssie were watching horror movies next weekend 'ghostbuster' and you cant chicken out this time_

_wait no fuck_

and then came the resounding chant of

_youbitchesmakinmework: claude is GAY_

_sleepsleeprepeat: claude is gAy_

_raphandmaya: clod is **MEGA GAY**_

_steaksncakes: haha claude gay_

_casparthefriendlyidiot: im gonna have roasted deer for dinner lololol_

_bignatzzz: click on my account if you want the fanart_

_theblueboar: claude u motherfucking idiot it was supposed to be secret pasdkfasdjfpoashg_

_your'friendly'neighborhoodfelix: wait how long ago u been fuckin u sly dogs_

_byladtheenlightenedone: ... oof_

and then claude's phone crashed as the flood of comments and memes turned his 'innocent' post into hell. Apparently for everyone else it was that way as he saw the grimaces and confusion around him as his post flooded the internet and exponentially grew in reposts.

"wait what the fuck."

he tried everything but then went "fuck it" and continued walking home.

he opened the door to several thousand printed screenshots and a seemingly lifeless dimitri on the floor face-down.

(claude didn't notice the smirk on his face.) 

entangled in his glorious mane/mop was a note that read

_thank you sylvain now I can die in peace_

it was wet with what claude didn't know was tears of laughter.

claude facepalmed kind of hard and banged his head against the wall.

 _i swear to fucking god_ he thought.

claude put his finger to his chin, much like the owners of the businesses downtown often did.

"ok, so first i'm going to get byleth and sothis and abuse the hell out of an abuseable game mechanic. and then i will bring that hentai-addicted narcissistic horny lolicon pervert redhead over here and i will finally proceed to murder the shit out of him."

he nodded once.

"yeah. that sounds like a good plan."

**Author's Note:**

> comment claude is gay if you support dimiclaude


End file.
